Because you NEED to.

I often write about my children.  They are the most amazing people in my life.  Because of them, I #tryharder.  I test and push myself to be better because they deserve a dad that desires to be the role model they can be proud of.  I want them to grow up never doubting how much their dad loves them or see limits to that love.  Like most parents, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for my children. 

I am terrible with remembering directions.  I could potentially get lost, every day, as I drive home from work.  Yet, there are moments, conversations and events, from 10+ years prior, that I can recall almost verbatim.  I was in a communications class in college and the professor asked one of the older students, who was a first time father, this interesting question.  “If someone kidnapped your baby and set her on the edge of a steal beam 20 stories up, would you be able to save her”?  The new father answered the question before the professor finished.  “Yes, no doubt about it. Without hesitation”.  This conversation happened during a morning class in college, almost 20 years ago, and I can remember it like it was yesterday.  I even recall the expression on the student’s face when he said it.

At the time, I couldn’t imagine loving someone that much.  Having to think about facing your biggest fear and possible death, to save another person.  Yes, I come from a loving family and I would kill for those who share my last name, but at that point in my life, I had never experienced the love of being a parent.  I was in college, so I was doing everything I could to prevent being a parent!! 

My children have certainly tested not only my love, but my patience, internal strength and yes, even my gag reflexes.  I’m absolutely not trying to paint myself as a martyr, but any parent knows or has experienced first-hand the testing of that parental love and I effortlessly dig deep for my children.  If the professor would have asked the 19 year old version of me that same question, I doubt I would have been able to answer it with the same urgency as my classmate.  You never truly understand until you become a parent.

There is a difference between “have to” and “need to”.  When you “need to”, it is because it’s the right thing to do.  Regardless the pain involved, you NEED to do this-no excuses.  If you are a parent, then I think you understand what I mean by that.  Kids will push you into experiences or limits that you would never imagine.  Moments that are often “forced to” become moments of “need to”.  Children will turn the most selfish people into the most selfless.  Take a look at your Facebook page and see how many of your irresponsible friends from high school and college are posting selfies with their 3 kids.  That same person, that used to pass out on your couch after doing 22 keg stands in a row, is now the head of PTA, teaches or runs a daycare.  Crazy right?  We are all capable of growing up to be something greater than our younger self.  I’m curious to see what my college girlfriends or buddies would say about the person I was then versus the person I am today. 

Sometimes you NEED TO sit with puke on your shirt and pants for the remaining 45 minutes of a flight, while the plane circles the airport and you can’t get up.  Because acting like an idiot will only make the situation worse for your daughter.  This moment isn’t about you.

Sometimes you NEED TO ride a rollercoaster that you don’t want to get on, knowing it will make you feel like crap for the next 30 minutes, but your daughter chose YOU as the person she wants to ride it with.  Again, this moment isn’t about you.  Suck it up!

Sometimes you NEED TO be there for your niece, when her father (your brother) passes away.  Not forcing yourself into her life or situations out of obligation, but being there when needed out of love.  The same love you have for your own children.  It’s good to grieve, but her future is more important than your feelings.  When it comes to kids, don’t dare put yourself first. 

Sometimes you NEED TO put your damn phone away and pay attention to what is going on in front of you.  Seeing your kid hit a baseball for the first time is much better than wondering why nobody has liked your status.  Better yet, resist the urge of posting the picture of that at bat, as some things should be YOURS and not necessarily shared with the social media universe.  I take and post many pictures of my kids, but they make up less than 1% of the things I choose to capture with my own eyes and not through the screen of my iPhone.  Instagram has my son’s 3^rd at bat.  The first at bat was seen with my eyes, no filter.

Being a parent shows you what you are capable of and opens doors to the depth of the love you possess.  I am not saying, because you might not be a parent, that you are not capable of loving unconditionally.  I am just forecasting, to those future parents, that you will have a lot to look forward to when or if that time comes.  I want to instill the confidence that you will be capable of more love and depth than you will ever know.  Not love out of obligation, but natural love that comes without hesitation.

Then again, you don’t have to be a parent in order to love like this.  If you love others in your life out of NEED TO love and not out of HAVE TO obligation, I truly believe your relationships will be happier, easier and healthier.  I’m not suggesting that you live so selflessly that you love complete strangers, acquaintances or even all friends this way.  I’m realistic…I don’t even care for all the people in my life with this level of dedication and I don’t expect others to be THAT compassionate.  There’s only one Pope, that’s his gig. 

If your life consists of more “have to” relationships or moments than it does “need to”, it might be time to evaluate the balance of your emotions and time.  Yes, life has its challenges, but caring for others and the things you prioritize should come as effortless as loving children.