Why you still hate your high school coach.

After you watch a football game the sidelines reporter almost always grabs a player that made a noteworthy play during the game, for some sort of postgame interview.  When it’s a Quarterback, you usually get the routine answers, accompanied with a big “aww shucks” smile, talking about how great the team played and how he, personally, needs to work on a few things and his team helped him out and blah blah blah.  It’s pretty much the same formula each time and you aren’t going to get a great or memorable quote from the leader of the team.

When you get a player that doesn’t usually get the camera time; that’s a whole different interview!  I love it when the defensive players get an opportunity to say something after the game. Why?  Because they have a tendency to break out some emotional speech, fueled with random elements and occasionally a cameo from another player who may or may not realize (or care) that their teammate has a microphone in front of them.  It’s comical, but it’s more “real” than anything you are going to get from a coach or Quarterback. 

Yet, these players have their crutches too.  Almost always, they find a way to work this phrase into the spirited speech…”Everyone doubted us”.  Everyone doubted the team.  Everyone doubted the defense.  Everyone doubted that player.  Sure, you have the best record in the league, but everyone doubted you.  You made it to the Super Bowl, but everyone doubted you.  You are a millionaire and have started every game you have ever played in since you were 6 years old, but everyone doubted you.  Right… 

Sometimes, in an effort to #Tryharder or stay motivated, you have to create something to keep you going.  You have to invent a fake Goliath to throw stones at.  A group of people that doubt you in order to keep fighting, or a chip on your shoulder in an effort to stay motivated and evoke motivation from others.  When you don’t have anything real or concrete holding you back, you have to feed on the energy of something.  Even if that catalyst isn’t even real.   

Positive motivation is great, but it doesn’t hold a candle to what results negative motivation can often produce.  It’s one thing to live the best life you can and do it motivated by a pure drive to be great, but to be able to use a chip or crutch to keep your motor going is a far stronger force of mental energy.  To beat the team that once beat you.  To prove others wrong.  To shove your accomplishment into someone else’s face.  I’m not saying it’s healthiest, but the results come faster and can help push you to dig deeper if they have an element of adversity or competition.

Problem is that this adversity is mostly, if not all, self-created. The creation of the fake “haters” comes from a history of failure and a desire to blame that failure on something or someone else. Imagination has more uses than Willie Wonka sang about, doesn’t it? 

Here’s the thing.  It’s not a bunch of people doubting you.  It’s you doubting you.  Strip it down and look at your motivator.  What is driving you to #Tryharder?  Is it really animosity or is it your insecurities?  Is it really a group of people doubting you or is it self-doubt?  Do you find yourself creating false scenarios or backstories that never happened?  OK, what if they did happen?  Do you still think that high school teacher that was a dick to you in 10^th grade is still thinking about you and hoping that all the things he said about you would come true?  Highly unlikely right?  If that’s the case, then that dude has some serious issues and probably lives in a van, down by the river.

In the end, find what works for you, but make sure to acknowledge what is real and what is a made up backstory from some fake chapter of your life.  It’s good to have a healthy amount of “chip” on your shoulder and a competitive drive to overcome hurdles, but don’t be delusional.  Your ego can trick you into thinking that everyone is talking about you. After you come to terms with that, you’ll understand that deep down, you are the one with the foot in your ass.  You are the one motivating and you are the one doubting.  You are the one accountable for your goals and accomplishments and you are the one that needs to believe in you.